First Drafts - The Prospect magazine blog

A – Africans

The first of four great changes in English football. The impact of African players like Drogba and Essien, Adebayor and Touré, has meant that managers have to think seriously about the African Nations Cup every two years.

B – ‘By Mutual Consent’

Means sacked. See Big Sam.

C – ‘The Cup, Magic of’

Football commentators go on and on about when Hereford beat Newcastle back in the Middle Ages because now we know that only four clubs will win the FA Cup (see F: The Big Four). Only once since 1992 has any other team won the FA Cup (Everton in 1995). The days of real upsets are over but we have to pretend they’re not.

D - Derby County

Derby epitomise the second great change in English football. Under Clough Derby won the League twice in 1972 and 1975. They were one of seven clubs to win the League Championship in the 1970s. Since 1993, when the Premiership started, only 4 clubs have won the title in 15 seasons and one of those (Blackburn) only won it once. Derby, symbolically, made it back to the Premiership in 2007 and is certs to go back down after one season.

E – European coaches

The third great change is the influx of European coaches in the past decade: Benitez and Mourinho, Martin Jol and Ramos, Gullit, Sven and Carlos Queiroz. 3 of the top 4 clubs in the Premiership have European coaches; all bottom 8 clubs have British coaches. It was inevitable that England would follow suit.

F – The Big Four

Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool are currently the Big Four. Between them they have won the Premiership every season but one and the FA Cup every season but one during the same period. Every few years another club attempts to break into the club – Blackburn Rovers under Dalglish, Newcastle under Keegan, Leeds under O’Leary, but then they fade away.

G – ‘The Golden Generation’

This was the generation of Owen, Beckham, Lampard and Gerrard. Enough said. In the Good Old Days, G would have stood for Germany but we’re no longer in the same league.

H – Hall, Sir John

The money men have taken over. One reason that managers get sacked every few weeks is that the new money men want results quickly, sometimes because of the size of the loans they have taken out to buy the clubs or build new stadiums.

I – ‘I didn’t see anything’ (Wenger)

Over the years Arsene Wenger has never seen any foul committed by his players, a curious form of myopia known by opticians as ‘Wengeritis’. Even TV replays cannot help this terrible condition.

J – Sir Jack Walker, owner of Blackburn Rovers (see H)

Walker proved that one man with enough money could take a team to the Championship. Abramovich followed suit. Others didn’t.

K – ‘Keano’

Roy Keane is one of seven leading managers who played under Sir Alex Ferguson at either Aberdeen or Manchester United. The others are Steve Bruce (Wigan), Mark Hughes (Blackburn), Paul Ince (MK Dons), Alex McLeish (Birmingham), Bryan Robson (Sheffield Utd) and Gordon Strachan (Celtic). Steve Coppell (Reading) played for Man Utd for almost a decade but not under Ferguson.

L – Legs Akimbo (see TV pundits)

M – ‘A Massive Club’

This is usually used to describe Newcastle United, Manchester City, Leeds or some other Northern team who haven’t won anything for years.

N – Newcastle United

See M. But Newcastle is a special case all of their own. They haven’t won a major English trophy for half a century, but still draw crowds of 50,000. They are one of 3 Premiership clubs from the north-east – all three are in the bottom half of the table and two are now hovering around relegation. The North-West, by contrast, has five teams in the top eight of the Premiership.

O – Martin O’Neill

Whenever a managerial vacancy came up (see B), pundits used to tip George Graham for the job. Then it was Martin O’Neill. Now it’s Mark Hughes or if it’s a big job (England or Newcastle), José Mourinho.

P – The Premiership

The Premiership is quite unlike the old First Division. There is now a huge gap between the Big Four (see F) and an intermediate group of half a dozen clubs. The rest fluctuate between the Premiership and the First Division.

Q – Carlos Queiroz and the Portuguese invasion

For years, Portuguese football meant Benfica and Eusebio. Then Mourinho, Queiroz, Ronaldo, Nani and Anderson arrived.

R – Rape allegations and ‘roasting’

Footballers used to have a decent reputation apart from the occasional thug. Now they come somewhere between tabloid journalists and African dictators.

S – ‘Stevie’ Gerrard

For years, ex-Liverpool players have had a stranglehold on BBC’s coverage so as a result we get ‘Stevie’ (Gerrard) and ‘Michael’ (Owen). Lesser mortals are referred to by their surnames (‘Rooney’, ‘Lampard’, etc.).

T – TV

The final great change in English football. Four channels now fight to bring us a non-stop flow of matches and ‘analysis’ (see L and S) and have poured millions into the game (see H, J and U).

U – United States multi-millionaires

Two of the Big Four have been bought by rich Americans, part of the influx of foreign money into English football.

V – Vinnie Jones

The first footballer movie star. Becks may follow suit. ‘Stevie’ Gerrard is unlikely to. This is part of the growing overlap between football, TV, tabloids, sex and ‘celebrity culture’ (see ‘Wags’, ‘Footballers’ Wives’).

W – ‘Wags’ and ‘Footballers’ Wives’

See V.

X – Ex-England Managers

Ex-England managers either go to a ‘massive club’ (Robson to Newcastle, Keegan and Sven to Manchester City) or go into freefall (Hoddle, McLaren).

Y – Young prospects

Players like Shaun Wright-Phillips are still hailed as exciting young prospects even though at 26 he is years older than really good foreign equivalents like Ronaldo (22) or Adebayor (23).

This is what happened to the Golden Generation (see G): one minute they were exciting young prospects, the next minute we lost to Croatia.

Z – Zero

The number of times any ‘massive clubs’ or the ‘golden generation’ have won any trophies in the last fifteen years.