First Drafts - The Prospect magazine blog

The media has been in a tizzy of late over a recent and especially cunning piece of age discrimination—a device known as the “mosquito,” which uses the fact that our ears get less sensitive to high-pitched noises as we get older to disperse potentially troublesome teenagers in shopping centres by causing them sonic irritation while leaving older shoppers undisturbed.

Want to test your hearing age? You can listen to the sound here (or not, obviously). I’m a near-decrepit 27, but can still make it out clearly; 30 seems to be around our office cut-off point, although it is apparently more like 25 nationally. The signal consists of a modulated tone at around 17.4 kHz, and the security conscious can purchase theirs right now from a range of appealing models—and buy a standard folded zinc security cage while they’re at it.

Predictably enough, those anarchic teens have already subverted this anti-loitering device into an anti-adult conspiracy, having realised that it can be used as a “secret” ringtone undetectable to senior ears. Known as Teen Buzz, this makes for hours of mirth in classrooms, which will henceforth seem silent to teachers while in fact resounding with the happy exchange of messages. You can download the offending article here, if you dare.

Behind all of this is the phenomenon known as presbycusis—the inevitable deterioration in human hearing that sets in from around the age of 18 onwards, and that is related to the degeneration of minute hairs and sensitive cells within the ears—an evolutionary disadvantage now being unleashed in vengeance upon supplanting youth. And it does seem a little harsh. We don’t let them buy alcohol, or vote, or smoke, or come into pubs or clubs; now we’re taking away their right to hassle their elders and deafers in enclosed commercial environments. What is the world coming to?